BLOG: Love YOUR Life!
A couple that worked together asked us how they could have
fun together, even when things were strained. They said “date night” wasn’t working too well. They would attempt to have FUN and then one of them would bring up a problem at work or at home and things would go south. And FUN for them was an essential core value and helped to ease the business stress they were under. They just could not agree on something fun they both were interested in.
What we said to them next had them confused at first.
“What if you could find your FUN individually and not count on your partner to join in”?
“If you can find something to do together other than date night, then go for it. Yet, the most sexy and attractive thing you can do is to find things you love to do and then do them on your own whether your partner is on board or not. And it may just help with your strained relationship.”
“We don’t get it,” they said, how will that help us have fun together? “We’ll share a story, we told them, and we think you’ll understand.”
About 7 years ago, my business was of utmost importance to me and I was spending most of my time working on it . I was having a “love affair” with my business after 3 decades of working for others in the social work field. I fully immersed myself into creating my business on my terms and I didn’t mind working the long hours either. (Of course that “love affair” couldn’t continue after the “honeymoon period” at the same rate without some adverse effects)
Michael, at first had a real challenge with this. I was no longer coming home from work and turning it off and focusing on us. We were “empty nesters” and he wanted to play! The weekends where we use to play and do things we both enjoyed were no longer as open. He would come home from his private practice and expect that I would stop working and spend time with him. He would come into my office and ask me when I was stopping, often in a frustrated tone. I felt pulled and frequently did not meet his expectations. There was tension and I felt unbalanced about what I perceived as “demands” to stop working when I loved what I was doing; yet, I also loved my husband.
This went on for a while, with both of us dissatisfied and not sure how to handle it. I would promise to do better and then not always follow-through and then I’d questioned my integrity. Sometimes I would stop working early and spend time with him at the expense of not getting everything done I had anticipated. Then I was the one frustrated-directed first at myself, and often at Michael.
One night I remember Michael being different. Instead of asking me once again when I would stop working and spend time with him, we greeted each other when he came home with a loving hug and kiss and then he went downstairs to our bedroom without a word.
From that point on, he began doing things he loved and stopped putting pressure on me to change. It was freeing, yet, it had a more powerful effect. I began to get curious about what he as up to and with the pressure off of me I found I desired to spend more time with him. He was more attractive and sexy when he was in love with his life. He had begun a mediation practice, yoga, started writing his book and began to fall in love with his work and life regardless of whatever I was doing. He was no longer in reactive mode with me, expecting me to change.
In retrospect, Michael will say this was a gift I was unaware of giving him. It changed our marriage and our expectations of one another as well.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, especially if you are feeling resentment towards your partner you may want to “fall back in love” with your own life.
Once you truly fall in love with your life you are in a state of high vibration, which is very attractive. There is no blame or resentment because you understand that you are 100% responsible for your happiness in the first place. In a healthy relationship, where both people still love each other, yet have gotten out of sync, this is one powerful way to bring fun back into your life, one person at a time.
And chances are you partner may want to join in on the fun!
PS- The picture of Tina above is not related to the couple mentioned in this blog; however, Tina found joy again in her metalwork. She works with her husband in their photography business….Moorman Photographics in St. Petersburg, FL , yet also finds time to do what she loves.
P.P.S. If you would like more support in applying these principles, give us a call. In between our speaking and coaching engagements, we carve out a few individualized sessions each month. Schedule your appointment here.