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What do you really believe about relationships, starting with yourself?


It is widely accepted that about 90% of our belief system (BS) was formed by the age of 7. To know what we really believe about relationships would be critical as it has shaped how we view them today at least to the extent that we have not re-programmed our BS.


The part of our mind that has a goal or desire is not the part that carry’s out the goal. Said another way, the part of our mind that really wants an amazing relationship whether we are single or not, is not the part that ultimately determines and creates that amazing relationship. We can say we really want to improve our relationship(s) and even take steps towards that, yet our BS will determine what really happens. Our BS lives in our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is also where our inner judge lies.


Think for a moment about your computer and all your files and programs on your computer; many are hidden in folders and you may not see them right away but they are there. Some of the programs are working undetected to give you results. This is akin to the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is a very powerful operating system where approximately 95% of the programs/beliefs we have may be hidden away just like the submerged iceberg above or the hidden files on your computer.


How can we learn what our operating system really is in regards to relationships if so much of it is hidden in our subconscious?


Here’s a huge clue to what our true beliefs are about relationships and I know it sounds so simple, yet when we grasp this we can begin to transform dis-empowering beliefs and sometimes rather quickly.


The Clue: look around in your life… what’s working what’s not… where do you have longings or discontent? Wherever things are not as you desire, that is where you have a hidden belief about yourself or others that is keeping you from loving courageously… so it’s crucial to uncover this and do a deeper dive to learn more.


When we understand how powerful the mind we think with is and how it works we can begin to change things and take things to a whole new trajectory.


In my own marriage, after the fabulous honeymoon period had waned, I had one foot out the door and was not fully committed to my marriage. This did not create a lot of trust between us to say the least! I didn’t understand back then what was driving my thoughts and actions. It was my BS that people couldn’t be trusted and that I had to protect myself by leaving first. Until I uncovered this and re-programmed it, our relationship was challenged.


If we want to create an amazing relationship and have the ease and grace that comes with truly connecting with our partner or other loved ones, we must be willing to do the deep dive and uncover our BS.


Are you courageous enough and willing?  Your off the charts amazing relationship is waiting :-)








P.S. Need more support? Then check out our upcoming Courageous Loving program where you will learn even more about communication styles and creating the relationship you’d truly love (whether you are single or in a relationship).

P.P.S.  If you would like more support in applying these principles, give us a call.  In between our speaking and coaching engagements, we carve out a few individualized sessions each month. Schedule your appointment here.

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