BLOG: HOW WELL DO YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR GEM?
Last week we spoke about intimacy, productivity and reducing stress and how establishing clear, yet flexible boundaries helps create greater personal and professional success. When boundaries between work and personal life are blurred problems can run rampant for married couples or partners who run a business together.
Today let’s do a deeper dive into the multi-faceted gem that you just may be taking for granted.
Let Go of Your Assumptions About Your Partner Thinking You REALLY Know Your Partner…
I can hear some of you saying; “Well we really do know each other after years of living and working together, raising a family…” Of course there are things you know and many of them are patterns of interaction that are familiar. Foods they like, places they like to go, things about their family and friends, where they grew up, what they do in the business, etc. In that sense you know some things about your partner. There is history. However, ask yourself this:
Have you ever said, “That’s just the way they are, or they would not go for that?” Have you ever avoided an important conversation with your spouse/partner because you pre-determined in your own mind that they would get upset or you knew how it would go?
When you are basing this on the way your partner used to be, you are not giving them the gift of growth or opportunity to surprise you.
Relationships can die on the vine when we see our partners as the same person we first fell in love with because they could not possibly be the same. There are life events that have occurred, and those events alone create shifts and changes whether the partners recognize them or not.
An example in our own marriage: when we first got together we swore that when we had children, they would not come between us. They would be a part of the family of course, yet it would be centered on the adults - not the children. We had no idea how having children would impact our marriage, especially when they were babies and much later teenagers. We were changed in the process. I immersed myself into motherhood. That attentive, loving wife did not exist for many years for my husband. He felt left out at times because all my energy seemed to go to the little ones…sleepless nights and babies just took over. Sometimes I wondered who I really was (I know you other mothers out there can relate :))
The sense of familiarity can give people both security and/or it can breed boredom. It can also give couples a false sense of security that their partner will always be the same.
In our work with couples we have see people are devastated when their partner has an affair or asks for a divorce. Some swear they never even saw it coming. In talking with people about these situations they often had blinders on, seeing their partner the same way even though their partner’s behavior had changed.
A Powerful Practice
Lose your assumptions…leave them at the front door and find some way that you agree upon to connect daily getting to know your partner deeper by giving and receiving for a minimum of 15 minutes without talking shop. All forms of physical intimacy are great too as long as it doesn’t become a routine or habit that begins to be boring or hold less meaning.
One of our favorites: At the end of our work day we would get into the hot tub, meet in our bedroom or kitchen and share one thing that we loved about our day and one thing we loved about ourselves and then one thing we loved about our partner. If one of us started talking shop we’d either hold out our hand or put one hand over our heart. Often this short time together would extend into much longer as we were in the flow of really being with each other.
Because each day was always different we continually learned more about each other.
We noticed that when we got out of this routine it was much easier to talk shop and then feel less connected. It was also easier to get into disagreements because we became “business partners” again and stopped being lovers/friends.
So, what practice can you begin today so you can learn more about your partner connecting intimately? There is a multi-faceted gem in each of you just waiting to be discovered!
To the Gem in Each of You!
P.S. Please join us for our next “Couples in Business Mastermind” to learn more about how to successfully work with your spouse/partner and maintain a fabulous relationship! REGISTER HERE!
P.S. If you would like more support in applying these principles, give us a call. In between our speaking and coaching engagements, we carve out a few individualized sessions each month. Schedule your appointment here.