BLOG: IT'S WORTH IT!
I have shared that there are some other traits in taking risks to explore, especially in how they impact us in our most intimate relationships.
Knowing your self well
Willingness to lose approval or love
Let’s focus on vulnerability this week.
According to Webster the adjective vulnerable means:
Easily hurt or harmed physically, mentally, or emotionally
Open to attack, harm, or damage
When you read this definition who would truly want to be vulnerable? It’s risky and could hurt; yet without some vulnerability we wear a mask and will not often share what we truly are feeling. We will not risk being seen for who we truly are (the good, bad and ugly). This impacts our closest relationships and when we keep them at a comfortable distance in the long run the relationship will suffer.
Most of us were raised to not be vulnerable as this was seen as weakness.
How many of you (both men and women) were told not to cry and especially not in public? It was more of a stigma for men in my household although tears of any kind were looked down on.
For quite awhile I was terrified of sharing a personal story when I spoke about why I became a coach since my wake-up call included a painful loss. I feared I would loss it when I shared and tears in public were still embarrassing to me back then. It was totally freeing when I stepped out beyond my fear and there were tears yet the audience was moved. Many people came up to me later to tell me this. I somehow sensed that this audience needed to hear my story so was willing to be vulnerable.
Bene Brown did an amazing TED talk on the topic that is well worth your time to watch if you haven’t already. When she spoke with Oprah (on Super Soul Sunday) she said that people must earn your trust first before you would necessarily share a very private part of yourself with them. When the element of trust is present then vulnerability becomes your greatest strength. WHY?
Because you show up authentic and are willing to risk that your partner may not show up that way or approve and it’s still ok. It gives you more information on you own boundaries and desires. You are being YOU and that is the greatest gift we can give our loved ones… That is why it becomes our greatest strength.
Vulnerability is worth it in your intimate relationships.
(P.S. It’s not for the timid and we must build our muscles by doing things that can and probably will scare us.)
Additionally, we have to earn the trust. Just because we are trustworthy in one area does not mean it goes across the board. Trust can be broken and then must be rebuilt. Although that is not the topic of our discussion today, couples often need professional support to re-build this bridge.
So this week consider where you can be vulnerable with your partner or loved ones? Where do you need to let down your guard and be seen? When trust is present it may be your greatest strength.
P.S. If you would like more support in applying these principles, give us a call. In between our speaking and coaching engagements, we carve out a few individualized sessions each month. Schedule your appointment here.