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This week's question comes from Annie, a regular reader of our blog:


Hello Valerie,


Thanks for the informative emails focusing on relationships. I look forward to them weekly. I’m learning that although my husband and I are doing well most of the time, we still have areas that need attention.


I have a question about balancing personal time with all the demands everyone faces. In your blog about being over-scheduled, you spoke about priorities and saying “no” to certain opportunities or community events. You mentioned focusing on your family first and doing things you love. That makes sense; is there anything else you look at to evaluate good opportunities?


Thank you,



Hi Annie!


Thanks for being a loyal reader and I am glad you find the blog posts helpful. It is my/our passion to be of service to couples and individuals wanting to create amazing relationships.


I appreciate your thoughtful question.


There is a way that I will evaluate all opportunities that come my way.


I ask myself a series of questions that I must be able to answer “Yes” to in order to follow through. If it’s a “maybe” or “no”, I let the opportunity go. Otherwise I can spin my wheels and do things that do not get me results. We’ve all seen people who are very busy but still complain about some part of their life that is out of whack.


Here are the questions I ask myself:

  • Does the opportunity I am considering take me closer to my overall vision for the life I desire to live? (It may be a small action/ goal step or something much bigger yet there must be forward movement towards my vision. This of course assumes you know your vision because it is the starting point for everything)


  • Does this opportunity align with my core values? (Being in integrity is of high value to me so if something about the opportunity feels “wrong “ I’ll pass even if it fits # 1)


  • Is the opportunity something I would love to do or learn more about? (If I have no real interest in the event/opportunity other than a financial goal I will also pass-it must peak my interest to learn more or be something I would love to be a part of)


  • Does the opportunity require that I grow personally and/or professionally? (If it is something I can do with my eyes closed or is boring and will not up-level my expertise or awareness, I also pass).


These basic questions have kept me from over-extending in my personal and professional life. I hope this is of benefit to you Annie…..


To Your Great Opportunities!






Intimate relationships can be challenging, especially communication breakdowns and issues that recycle repeatedly. To find out more about transforming your relationship into what you truly desire check out our Courageous Loving Webinar.

P.S.  If you would like more support in applying these principles, give us a call.  In between our speaking and coaching engagements, we carve out a few individualized sessions each month. Schedule your appointment here.


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