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This week’s question comes from Monica who asks:

I know that I often do things the same way in my relationship and so does my husband.  We do not fight and rarely disagree so things are not bad between us.  Things are pretty routine, however.  Does this mean we are in a comfort zone and don’t even know it? 


Thanks for the great question, Monica.


You’re correct.  Sometimes we do not even know that we are in the comfort zone because it is our habitual way of being, like sleeping on a certain side of the bed or taking the same route to the store.


Have you ever gotten into the car and driven somewhere lost in your thoughts and then arrived and realized that you barely paid attention to your driving? You were on automatic pilot.  It can be a sobering reality that you were inattentive, which could have had dire consequences.  It’s much the same in our relationships.  We can “fall asleep at the wheel”, and then wake-up and our partner is not around or we are not sure who they/we are anymore.


There is no growth in the comfort zone and we are meant to grow and experience life as fully and freely as we desire and allow.  We can be seduced in the comfort zone; at least for a while thinking things are ok. If things are routine as you say, this could be a warning sign that you are indeed in the comfort zone where nothing much changes.


My question to you would be, do you just want a “not bad” relationship? Because you do not fight and rarely disagree does not make the marriage vital.  I would ask you to really examine how you are feeling about your relationship.  You might even sit down and write out your ideal relationship by imagining what it could be.


PS- Awareness is the first key to change.  I leave you with something I wrote recently:


“We are meant to live in our zone of genius and when the comfort zone gets boring and downright uncomfortable that is actually a time for celebration.”



P.S.  If you would like more support in applying these principles, give us a call.  In between our speaking and coaching engagements, we carve out a few individualized sessions each month. Schedule your appointment here.


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